Let Pain Win
It was one of those days where my body was crying out for care and attention, but I pushed through. I went to church with Randy, visited with a few people afterwards, dropped by a thrift shop on the way home and ate dinner with my family.
I wanted this day to be normal. There was a bbq at our friends house in the evening and I really wanted to go.
I excused myself to take a nap and woke up a few hours later feeling worse. Pain was increasing and the time to leave for the bbq was approaching. I changed my clothes, made a cup of strong coffee and continued my push towards a 'normal' day.
My husband came upstairs and asked a simple and cheerful question about what we needed to bring to the bbq and my response was short and irritated. Seeing the surprised look on his face . . . I realized I needed to give in. I told him that pain was high and that I was not doing well and might need to stay home tonight. I excused myself to lay down while he prepped a few items of food.
Plugging in the heating pad, I settled into my bed and felt my whole body relax. Why was I trying so hard? It was a fight and my plans were not winning.
Jesus understands this. His invitation is simple and requires an honest answer.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30, The Message (MSG)
So, as I settled in for the evening my prayer went something like this . . . "Lord, I'm sorry for fighting . . . Teach me these unforced rhythms again. Show me about freedom and things that are the right fit for me. Reveal my motives - why I feel I must fight to have a 'normal' day. Relieve me from unrealistic expectations and desires. Remind me of all that You're doing now, and here . . . in the midst of pain and in the midst of missed bbq's. Give me a bigger vision of what You're doing in my life and through my life and help me not to diminish it. I will keep company with you. I will admit my weakness. I will trust that You accept and love me as I am. Thank you that You have plans for my life that are not hindered by pain. I love that You invite me to come as I am. I am weary, yes, I am. Thank you."
May you know His peace in your own life today . . . whatever your day is like.